Look Within

My journey as a full fledged Executive Coach began about three months ago...I almost knew what I was getting into...I say almost because I had not realised the power of coaching till I saw the results.....

Coaching as a concept is fairly new in India and has tremendous potential in the years to come. The need for Coaching arises because of a number of factors that are relevant today in the professional and personal areas of any individual.

The basic premise of Coaching is the relationship between the coach and coachee that is built on trust and honesty. A level above is the facilitation process that the Coach brings about to make the Coachee think..and think differently, radically and out of the box. For, in coaching, there is nothing as "I cannot think"....When all windows seem to be closed, there is this small ray of light that the coachee encounters and that is what is called an "insight".

An insight is generated by assisting the coachee to delve deep within his own thoughts and try to evaluate a situation by focusing on how best he can come out of it. The more the person introspects without getting into the detail and a whole lot of drama, there is a cent per cent chance that people arrive at a solution which had never crossed their mind. This is what Coaching brings about...The ability to help people structure their thoughts vocally, to be able to deal with them deep inside and to come out with an "insight".

An insight is momentary unless it is tapped immediately and converted to action. We all have insights through the day, while at work or at home...however, every insight does not move into an action plan as there are other thoughts that cross the mind all at the same time.

It is this tapping of the momentary thought that completely enables the coachee to move forward and full force. This is done by the technique of questioning powerfully and being honest to oneself and like Buddha said - "Look Within!".

Money Matters!

Din hai suhaana aaj pehli tareek hai.....

Well yes, the first day of the month....the day I open my bank account so see if I have received what I should, the day I plan my monthly budget(only to overshoot it- month on month), the day I pay out salaries(....c'mon to my maid, dhobi etc etc!!), the day I feel very in control(all the figures in the bank help!!)....but there is definitely something about Money that drives us all.

I remember once interviewing someone for a key position and he said "It is the role that drives me and not the money"...well! how much of it is really true?...yes, may be true may be not...But there is this inner happiness that I definitely experience when I see money... I am not materialistic and I am very sure about it...so what does Money do to give me that high..?

I figured, I have a list of strange things about Money...and as usual(in my style of writing!, enlist them as:
1. It is never enough!!
2. It takes care of my impulsive shopping and outings
3. It makes me feel worthwhile
4. It makes me feel independant
5. It makes me wiser as I then begin to plan and save
6. It has an uncanny habit of disappearing just like that
7. It is easier to borrow it than to lend it
8. It brings about discrimination
9. It indicates growth and success for an individual to a nation
10. It makes me secure
11. The more I have it, the more difficult it is to manage it
12. It is extremely tempting
13. More is always welcome
14. Money itself is discriminatory.
15. MONEY CANNOT BUY EVERYTHING!

I feel a lot better especially as I write the last point. I know money is important and gives me a positive lift but hey it is not everything. It motivates me no doubt but it does not own me and definitely cannot buy me!

Happy!

I sometimes wonder what are the things that make me happy....A friend of mine told me to "grow up"..and I have been hearing this since I was 7 maybe!...another one called me a "joker" and someone else "funny"...

Looking at all the adjectives bestowed on me, I know I want to derive happiness from everything that is around me..so I decided to just list a few things that make me smile, make me happy and like the song says.."my dil goes mmmmmmmm!!!!"...I wonder if someone else finds this familiar!

I find myself smiliing when:

• See a new flower bloom in my so called garden (of precisely 4 pots!!),  the morning i open my balcony door.
• To see an old friend come online and we chat secretly during office hours!
• To know some close friend's pet name I never knew existed and tease them till I get bored of it!
• Somesh calling unexpectedly...
• Poku laughing at some joke she considers only hers.
• See Poku fight with some older kids to get her way.
• See a dude gymming his guts out..
• Make a verbal blunder(oh I am so good at it!).
• People say "gosh! u have lost weight!"(its been a while since someone said that though!)
• Smile from a passerby!
• A smiling cabbie
• A handsome dude checking himself in the mirror.
• Smell of wet soil
• Aroma of  home cooked meal
• Smell of a new book
• Hot brewing coffee in the winters of Darjeeling
• Meeting old friends and going berserk laughing over old days (SIMS!!!!!!)
• Boiled bhutta with butter(smack smack!!)
• A new painting made by Prakriti
• Lunch at Churchill
• A parcel I did not expect
• A call from an old forgotten friend
• A tight hug from Somesh in public

• Poku saying"I love you"(to get her way!!)
• Seeing my mum on facebook.
• Reading the comments of my friends on my blog!
• A book full of Pj's (love the sindhi and santa banta ones)

.....and the list is endless..........God I thank you for everything and keeping me happy even in the most distressing and trying times...My vow to you...I will be happy!...Im the new "Happy Singh!!!"

The Power of Trust

Trust - a small word but means the world.

In the past few months of Coaching, I realise how important trust and honesty is. How come one can trust someone so easily while it takes ages to actually trust someone else. What is that factor that allows us to trust and what is it that helps build trust. A lot of research has gone towards this and continues to do so.What I find intriguing is the only thing that allows us to trust someone is to trust ourselves, to be honest to the other is to be honest to oneself. To have a belief very strong that one knows when it is right.

Trust has huge power. With trust on one's side, every challenge, every hurdle seems not so difficult to achieve. So whose Trust are we talking about. I am talking about the Trust in oneself. In one's beliefs, in one's doings, in one's destiny and in one's future.

If I can Trust myself enough to know that I can achieve what I set out to, I can do what I want to and I really do believe that there is nothing that is a struggle and again I trust myself, the world is mine and I know it.

There have been times when I look back at life and wonder if it was trust that got me where I am and I know the answer that each time I face a hurdle, I have to trust myself to pick me up and go on. In times of distress, one feels demotivated and depressed, but hey trust in oneself is close to trust in God and with this in mind, nothing then remains a challenge.

As I am making my path towards being an Effective Coach, I realise how important it is for me to be trustworthy and honest. Ethics run high in my area of work. So does confidentiality and honesty. To be an effective Coach, I need to understand the sanctity and piousness of trust. If I cannot keep the sacredness of the engagement, I would be harming the relationship in a huge way. Sometimes I marvel at the way some people so easily say things that are considered personal and private. There has to be something and I am still searching for the answer....

Think!

I have always been a huge movie buff...Back during hostel days I remember going out to watch every single Friday release with my room mates just to discuss it over the Saturday breakfast table and recommend it to the rest of the gang!

Today was one such Friday. I picked up the newspaper and discovered a couple of new releases....I had been to a movie last week only to entertain my little princess - "Aladin" if you please!

Anyway, as a reward to myself for the hard work behind my evaluation, I called my friend and we decided to go watch the movie at 10am today!!!

We picked JAIL. I have always had huge expectations out of Madhur Bhandarkar as a film maker. Let me add here, though I have always loved English cinema...I am a tad inclined towards our very own Bollywood and to see it coming of age is a great relief!

It was no surprise to see Neil Nitin Mukesh act so brilliantly...and kudos to the make up guy...i think that person really did a great job with Neil's look. The protagonist hardly had any lines to say but wow..i was taken in by the brilliance of his emotions and the potrayal of the same. Neil, Im sure you will go a long way....there is absolutely no doubt!

What kept me thinking is how our minds can be...We are controlled all by what our minds tell us to. I recently finished reading Emotional Intelligence and while watching the movie could relate to it completely. Some things that I learnt from the movie today and I pick some of the dialogues (hope there is no trademark issues here!)

1. "Ek second ka gussa aur mein yahaan do saal se hoon" - Its, after all, the split second emotion that we cannot manage or control that goes a long way in deciding who we are today and what we will become tomorrow.

2. "Did you miss me" - Relationships are so important. It is only in the times of despair and unhappiness one realises who is yours and who is not. It is so important to love and be loved. If we had love all around us, there would be no complications at all. Sigh!...if only we could follow this simple thing called Love

3. "Admi bura nahi hota, waqt bura hota hai" - Everyone is born equal. Though most of the time we may believe that we carve ourselves into what we are, it is also important to realise that there is something called destiny, luck and timing. There are certain things that are beyond explanation and we must treat that with respect too.

4. "Zindagi mein haar maan bhi jaao, tabhi bhi ummeed mat chhodna" - Hope is everything. Hope gives us the will to live and love. Hope brings in a new day, a better day. Give up hope and be ready to give up on life

5."Thank you! aaj pehli baar kissi ne mujh se pocha hai ki mein gunehgaar hoon ya nahi" - Reminds me of Covey's 5th Habit - Seek first to understand and then to be understood. Empathy goes a long way. In our times of quick fix, we view the world as we see it. Putting ourselves in someone else's shoes and feeling through them is empathy. If only we would not react, if only we try to see the other side, if only we could be better listener's..if only!

There are tons of such dialogues that got me thinking and by the end of the movie I was itching to write. I know one would want to watch the movie for themselves and hence a couple of lines more and I would have a fleet of friends ready to kill me...

Enjoy the movie and think!

My Date this weekend

Loneliness is a strange thing...it can be really difficult to handle...With Somesh away almost every month, loneliness started to creep in slowly. I handled it intially thinking, I got work and I got Prakriti...I would definitely be able to manage.

Logistics, Administration, Finances and Entertainment...these were things I brought into my life with such ease that none of these were an issue to handle.

The boredom started to creep in last week, when I realised that life was becoming mundane. I was looking for that zing in my life.

The boredom would not leave me though I have lots of friends and acquaintances around me. There was something amiss. I did not take time to figure out that it was Somesh. I started to miss everything about him....his silence, his laziness, his drop of a hat plans to go out and binge, his moments with Prakriti and of course his moments with me(sigh!!).

So I decided to go out on a date...with Somesh..so what if he is not here....I dressed in my old jeans ( the high came instantly after I managed to get into them!) and a T shirt, dropped Prakriti at her creche and stood outside the YWCA hostel in Madame Cama Road.

Ten Years back I would spend endless minutes waiting for Somesh to arrive and take me out on a date....today I rewound some of those moments together....

I took a cab to drive us(and im using "us" for a reason!!) to Marine Drive, stopped by looking for some bhutta..but I guess the season is not so right!...Walked all through the marine drive stopping and smiling at the young couples sitting(how silly is that!)...till I noticed the double decker criusing along....i hopped in only to be dropped at the churchgate station(did not quite look at the route and the number!!!) and well..took the train to Bandra....the place we spent most of our time back then....

Having done the Bandra bit, I decided to enter a book store(remembering the "oh no" look on his face), picked up some of my favourites and like a good girl came back home..completely tanned and with a headache..but no I was not tired at all...infact I could feel this new energy in me...and a voice that kept telling me..."you got to do this more often!"

When I finally met my daughter that evening...she held me and said..."mama you looking so ganda.....but I love you!"...

.....That instant I thanked God....He gave me memories so dear that I can relive them whenever I want, He gave me an angel, to make me feel special for what I am and He gave me my soul mate so loving that all I can ever do is simply Love....

Boredom and Loneliness....what is that?

Executive Coaching for the New Hire

What is a dream job? A job that is fulfilling motivates one from within, complements the skill sets one possesses and pays well?
No wonder it is called a “dream” job. Why else would people be in the continuous pursuit of a “better” job? Better in terms of role and responsibilities, better in terms of compensation, functionality or work life balance.

In the constant pursuit of that one dream job, an entire career passes by without the feeling of true fulfillment towards the work set out in the first place or the usage of the skills that one possesses.

Having spent some time in the field of recruitments, I realize that for people to move into a new job, there are three important factors – money, role and growth.

Growth - While role and money are tangible and easily explainable to anyone in question, growth is something that is different for different people. It is this opportunity to “grow” as a professional and an individual that allows any person to take that all important decision of taking up an opportunity that he has been offered.

“Growth” is a very individual phenomenon. People at different levels and ages perceive growth differently. But it is the “constant” that drives and motivates every person on this planet.

Once a person takes up the opportunity that he perceives as high growth, he is suddenly surrounded by the challenges and hiccups of the new role. The responsibility is much higher and the expectations sky rocket.

Managing Expectations – In a situation like this, a person will never say “I am not ready for this” as this is exactly what is NOT expected out of him. He finds himself facing challenges in day to day operations and given his expertise, he is not allowed the “honeymoon period” that he would have got when he was a lot younger in his career. He finds himself constantly pushed for results and he in turn is stressed. By the time he finds his feet on this fresh ground, he realizes a lot of time has passed by and just wished that he was better equipped to manage the challenges. He then looks for solace in his friends; past mentors and colleagues who he thinks has the answers to his need of trying to grapple with the new scenario. However, he does not find it too appealing and hence continues to work in a stressful manner completely defeating the very purpose of taking up the new responsibility of furthering growth and be closer to his “dream” job.

Need for an Executive Coach – This has been my experience with many of my candidates who I have interacted at senior management levels. They are way too senior to even accept verbally that they may need help / assistance and to be hand held while they assume the new chair. I have been seriously thinking about who can actually help new recruits in this manner and I realize the need for an Executive Coach.

Coaching - Coaching as a concept is not new. Whereas it has found its roots in the field of sports, Coaching has made an in road in management and is known as Executive Coaching.

Who is an Executive Coach - An Executive Coach is someone who works closely with a person, helping him unlock his potential in order to bring out his best as far as performance at work is concerned. This also then has an effect on how well the person later maximizes his potential in his personal life too. Coaching has a far reaching affect because of its continuity and tangibility. It has now taken a formal structure and is considered a career option for many who are related to management, Human Resources and Training.

As someone, who has been introduced to the world of Executive Coaching very recently, I definitely believe that an Executive Coach works best as a catalyst and hand holds the person to see through his initial days of settling in the new job. It promises to believe that there is an entire part within oneself that is just waiting to be realized and recognized by the person himself that opens his own door towards greater and better performance and hence towards the dream job that he can now see it as a reality.

“I” – the motivated me!

The purpose of professional life revolves around getting the best education, choosing the right career and eventually working with the best. At every phase of our life, I remember the one thing that I wanted the most and how motivated I was to get it.

As time passed by, my motivation to achieve became stronger to get into the best college, and get myself an entry into the best brands to work with. In this race to be the best and become the best, I was suddenly thrown into a world of complexities and high expectations. Meeting those expectations at work and at home then becomes my only priority and I slowly convert into a run of the mill human machine that works because one has to.

Shift Gears - Well then what would a person like me be motivated to do? Can I slow down and actually think of what motivates me to perform better, be happy with myself and eventually become more evolved at work and in my personal life. I have always felt that motivation is from within. External motivators are a constant topic of research and studies in organizations, to increase performance, combat attrition and increase loyalty towards the organization. However, the greatest motivation comes from within.

To being with I think we all must have goals. In everything we do be it in our personal or professional lives.

Goal – What is it that I want to do?...is a question that has been asked umpteen times but how many of us actually introspect and really think of what we want to achieve. This of course is surrounded by circumstances that may help or hinder the achievement of the goal. Notwithstanding that, we zero in on some goals that we consider achievable and would make a difference to us.

Motivators to achieve the goal – Having recognized what we want, we need to work towards it. The need is from within us and hence the motivation to achieve it is also something that we have within ourselves. If we are not motivated enough to carry out any action or work towards any of our goals, no one external will be able to help / assist us.

Action Plan – Being immensely motivated and we know where we are, we chalk out our plan to achieve the goal. This plan is always that we can act on.

Achievement and Reward – With motivation and dedication to achieve the preset goal, one finds oneself achieving the goal. I am happy and I realize that this state of happiness is bringing me closer to being at peace with myself. My confidence in myself has increased ten fold and I realize that I am much better than what I thought I was. That’s a reward for myself.

Setting of newer goals – I will not stop here. I continue to set newer goals, newer horizons and an evolved me.

A letter to TIFR Child Care Centre

In March 2006, I brought my little girl, all of 1 year and 6 months to you. She was a girl who had been with her mother from the time she was born, had never experienced how it would be not to have her mother around, even if it was for a mere half an hour.

I came to you with some hope that maybe I could make my little baby independent and enjoy her life with the rest of the world too. She was scared, frightened and terrified initially to be surrounded by other children both younger and older than herself. She saw strange faces that she could not handle. She wept and cried all day long just to get back to her “safe zone”, her mother. I was guilty, I always felt do I really need to leave my little one and go to pursue some dreams that I have harbored…and then I realized more than the fact that I was going ahead with my dreams, I was doing my baby good…by letting her explore a world that is way beyond her imagination and comprehension to make her a more confident and loving child.

You, at the Child Care Centre team are my daughter’s angels…who have guided her to be herself, played with her to enjoy herself, scolded her to discipline her, spoke to her lovingly to help her speak her mind, taught her things that we as adults have conveniently forgotten in the mundane routines of our lives and have done so much that I can hardly have words or expressions that can accommodate my gratitude and thanks to you.

My daughter, PRAKRITI has completed 3 years and 7 months in your Centre. When I look back , I find that a completely different Prakriti has emerged ever since you took upon yourselves to help her discover herself. She is independent, fun loving, caring, friendly, approachable, naughty and a conscientious child. I am extremely thankful to all of you and your team who have so painstakingly looked after her and at the same time trained her so selflessly and so lovingly. I can never imagine anyone else who could be better than your team.

At this point in time, both me and my husband want to express our heart felt gratitude and appreciation for the wonderful work you all put in every day, every minute for our children. In just two words….THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN

The end is the beginning

Three months ago I signed up for the Intensive Coach Training Program to help me better my skills as a Coach. Knowingly or unknowingly, I have been coaching at the workplace and my community for a very long time. The realisation that I can really make a difference made me seriously look at honing the ability to touch people's lives.

What I least expected was the person whose life would become different would be mine......

With due acknowledgement to the faculty, the people who contributed the most in this journey were my fellow coaches. Each of them in their unique manner let me be the way I am....in my entire life of learning, I never felt so close to myself and my opinions and at the same time be able to stretch my thinking, be able to recognise my gut, shift perspectives, look at life beyond the box and celebrate myself for who I am.

My friends who are great people and great minds in their respective fields..I thank you for the amazing journey I have had with you....and yes as we conclude the ICT formal sessions today....Its not the end but the beginning!